And you wonder why I don't get dates?

See...I'm one of three things with women...

a) Over-zealous
b) A squishable lug
c) Pertrified

So often times, I can completely screw up any chace with a girl within the first 20 seconds by some of the stupid shit that comes out my mouf. Here's a perfect example.

Randomly, I got a message from this girl on MySpace:

Hey i just wanted to say hi ! i browsing around and your profile caught my eye:) U r really cute ;) Your daughter is beautiful too ! Ok well if u have time get back to me ... Have a Good weekend

~C~

She's not bad looking...kinda cute. Though there's a few pics on her page that made me go "yipes." Out of 10, she's a 5.5. With the potential to be a 6.5 on good days.

But what the hell...a new friend is a new friend...and a date is a date (if you can get it...it's always good practise).

So I decided to write back...

And that's where things go horribly wrong. Before I say anything else, here's my reply to her:

Thank you for the compliment about my girlie. She's the coolest ever and so beautiful...of course, every parent thinks their kid is the prettiest. And we all know that in some cases, that just ain't true. I've always wondered what parents of ugly kids say...Is it: "My Junior is so...ummm...full of personality...and other things"?

Hey there random thought. Thanks for coming out tonight.

I see you're in N******...over there behind The A*****. Used to live in that area. Right at the corner of ****** blvd and ********. That area is really nice. There's no other point to these couple of sentences other than to show I read your profile and to make that weird connection that some people do when they don't know a whole lot about each other so it's like idle conversation. But without speaking. Unless you say the words as you type. Then that's awkward.

I read you like Sushi. Where do you go for good stuff? I used to hit this place in ****** called Sushi ****. The BEST Sushi on the planet. Er, maybe that's too much. I haven't exactly visited every sushi place on the planet. I'm sure they have better sushi in Japan. Them being Japanese and all. Ahhhhh Sooooooo.

Too much? I went to far with that one.

I'll bet when you first typed a note to me, you never expected this kind of response.

Happy Presidents Day!

b

See what I mean? This girl will have one of three responses:

a) Find me charmingly witty
b) Say "Weirdo" outloud, then wonder where there's no decent guys left.
c) Delete her MySpace account in complete fear.

I need smooth classes. No, I need practise. Spend time, see what works, what doesn't work. Maybe take a hammer to the head to knock loose all the stupid stuff in my noggin that makes me...umm...stupid...and stuff.

B