Liars and Trust

In my past, I've had several people ask me why I'm so harsh. Why I act so mean or callous or flippant. Why I can so easily walk away from someone without giving it a second thought.

Simple. I have trust issues.

I hate to put it that way because it sounds like I'm quoting a therapist. But it's true. I really can't trust anyone.

Rule #1 with me: Don't Lie to me.

I can understand the occasonal tiny white lie, the misdirection for purposes of privacy, and the slight exaggeration for the sake of a great story.

Most of those are okay. Acceptable under the right circumstances.

What pisses me off and breaks my trust with you is when one or all of the following happen:

• You OVER-Exaggerate
• You Lie because you think you can get away with it
• I CATCH you in a lie you've told

I used to lie all the time when I was a kid. Lie about grades, friends, girlfriends (She lives in Canada, you don't know her), experiences...Anything. It didn't matter. I thought I was a master liar. The only times I ever got called out on it was from my Mom...and always because of my grades.

There was a point, one night, I was standing outside yakkin with co-workers, and I started to tell a story about something I'd done. I don't remember what it was about, but it was an outright lie. I had plots, twists, characters, the whole nine.

And it was all bullshit.

For some reason, this realization struck me WHILE I was telling the story, so I capped it and shut up for the rest of the time. Reflecting later, I started to wonder how many people KNEW I was full of shit and just never called me out on it. That thought REALLY bugged me. I don't want people looking at me and thinking "OK...HERE'S another Bagger whoppper." I want them to know that when I tell them something, it's the truth.

So I stopped lying. And people really find THAT harder to deal with. People have been coddled to for so long, they can't handle the honest, dirty truth.

If you have to ask if you look fat in those jeans...Whatever answer I give, I'm not coddling to you.

So, Rule #1: Don't Lie to Me. If you do, I'll pull away from our friendship. I probably won't confront you because it's not worth the time or drama.

The problem presents when the person that's doing the lying, is your best friend.

AND it's the worst kind of lying...the kind where you Lie, because you think you're getting away with it. Or, more directly, lying without a purpose.

I would rather someone tell me the harsh truth and me get pissed; than to lie, me catch you, and get 10x as pissed as I normally would.

Now, I'm in a quandry...I need to go see a shrink, because this isn't going to work it out on it's own and I have no one to talk to about this. I need an uninvolved third party.

My Boss comes to me to discuss a problem that my friend has gotten himself into. My friend is in the mental ward. He tells me we can have this convo "on the record, or off the record." He wanted to know what I knew...which at that moment, was less than him, because it was the first I'd heard of it. We discuss the situation a bit, but honestly, I don't know where to go with it. I'm all fluttered up.

I have a dedication to my Boss, but I also have a stronger dedication to my friend. But my friend needs serious help, and my Boss might be able to help him better than I can. And my friend has lied to me in the past. I really don't know what to do. Oh, and Boss doesn't want me to tell my friend that my Boss told me, becauseHe (They) were asked (by friend's wife) to keep it quiet.

So I chose not to do anything until more of this was straightened out and I got more info.

And that's when things got weirder.

Today, my Boss comes to discuss the problem more, to see if I got any more info, and to update me on what he knew. I knew nothing more than what I knew yesterday, I hadn't tried to call. He tells me that my friend is now out of the mental ward. It may have been an over blown admittance. Meaning, friend's wife flipped out and had him admitted when she should have been more rational about it.

You as confused as I am? Wait...it gets worse.

So friend is going to have a talk with his direct Boss, because Friend is on the verge of getting fired. Both Bosses are also worried about his Drug and Drink consumption (which also points fingers at me because I do both too...but on 1/16th of the scale and frequency that he does).

At the end of the day, I call my Friend. He answers...and tells me the weirdest story I've ever heard.

Yes, he had a breakdown. Wife admitted him to Hospital. He tells people in the Hospital that no one can know that he's there because ANOTHER co-worker has it out for him. So he's admitted to a Psych hospital UNDER A DIFFERENT NAME. Also, work was told he was in one hospital when he was really in a different one.

My Boss had earlier told me that Friend and his Boss at their meeting, were going to come up with solutions to alleviate the stress and pressure my Friend is under to make his work day more productive.

Friend tells me, that he and his Boss decide that, no matter what, he's done working here.

Wha? Where is all of these disjointed fucking stories coming from?

I've caught my friend in too many bold faced lies and exaggerations in the past. Many of which, I never called him out on. But he's my best friend...and they'e harmless lies, right? Who are they hurting?

Here's my theory. I think my friend, and his wife, are living in a world of delusion.

Serious. I think they're delusionary. Both of them.

I've got a million examples as to how I think my theory is correct, but they could all be simple misunderstandings.

I don't always remember EVERYTHING people say, and I sometimes confuse things in my head. But I can't be THAT wrong THAT often, can I?

I dunno, maybe it's me. This is why I need a shrink. It's why I don't trust anyone, because they can so easily break it without any concern over how it affects me.

And this is why I can walk away so easily. Just write them all off in my life. Footnotes in my book.

But then, what kind of friend would I be?

B